Letting go…
Unhealthy relationships are often easily spotted from the outside, but for the person involved it can be a chaotic and tumultuous emotional rollercoaster. They often involve a lot of manipulation and degradation of one’s self esteem. This may leave the person feeling like they don’t deserve better, they are lucky to have this relationship and any outside threats to the abuser’s ability to keep them in their grasp, are removed. People in these types of relationships often become isolated as their family and friends are ejected from their lives strategically leaving their only source of “support” as the abuser. So the thought of leaving them, is absolutely terrifying.
Once they succumb to the situation, depression worsens and it becomes even less likely they will reach out for help. This could go on for years until someone is willing to withstand all the negativity and push past the walls the abuser has built up around the person. Offering them a non-judgemental hand free from criticism and some kind words of encouragement could be all it takes to reignite their soul. It is then that the fight for themselves begins and it’s going to be a wild, scary ride.
When the abuser realizes they are losing control, things get ugly, really fast. They will use everything in their power to destroy this new self confidence that has started to emerge and go to great lengths that can include threats of suicide in order to manipulate the situation. If the person has adequate support elsewhere, even if it’s just that one brave soul, they may be able to resist falling back into old habits and stand up for themselves. Keep in mind that falling back into the toxic relationship is the “safe” option, they know what to expect and the fear of being on their own is astronomical. This may happen several times before one is able to walk away.
Even once the person has left the relationship they go through a lot of mixed emotions, self blame, guilt, anger, frustration and yes, sadness. An outsider wouldn’t think there would be any of this but remember, they were not emotionally vested and therefore it’s easy to say to the victim “they were terrible to you, why do you even care?” The answer is, because it wasn’t always that way and there was love. They will need time to grieve the loss and come to terms with it. This is the point where the unconditional support from another can be the difference between falling back and letting go.
